EPILOGUE
My Mother's death was to be the end of this account of a mother/daughter relationship, but she lives on in me. I have often wondered how much of my personality has been gained from nature or nurture : particularly our disposition towards anxiety and depression, especially when I find myself unconsciously using some of her habits, such as licking a finger and mopping up cake crumbs off a plate. But more seriously, we both needed order and routine. She more than encouraged my brother and me to finish any activity before starting something else; our colouring book pictures had to be finished before turning to another one. She always had to finish her chores before going out for fun, something which I have inherited. I have a routine in the morning which, if not followed precisely, throws me out for the rest of the day. A little on the Obsessive/ Compulsive spectrum I fear, or is it a need to be in control? I definitely learned how to manage my finances from her. When I was seven she opened a National Savings account for me, later showing me the amount of interest that had accrued, hoping that I'd become a saver. I was horrified. “But it's not my money” I kept repeating: “where has it come from?” To this day I've never understood; I save, or rather I don't spend, and the interest does not impress me. Apart from having a mortgage I've never taken out a Hire Purchase agreement, not even for a car, and have always paid my bills promptly. One of our end of year rituals was to make sure we didn't start a new year in debt – all bills to be paid before 31st December. Her distrust of men influenced my attitude, as well as my own experiences.
Having said that, I must tell the reader that in 1996 at the age of 54, at a Wennington School reunion, I met again my first boyfriend, Sam. Within three months I had sold my house in Huddersfield and moved down to Bideford to live with him. Happily we are still together, living a contented life near Holsworthy, calling ourselves the hermits of Haytown (particularly apt since we have been in lockdown for over a year due to the Covid Pandemic).